For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
