he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
