im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
