you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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