why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
