dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
