last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
