Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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