wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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