They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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