I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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