My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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