2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
