I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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