We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
