I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
