Porn is love you can see.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
