Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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