this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
