the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
