Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
