apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
