Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
