Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
