Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
