As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
