i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
