I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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