Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
