She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
