see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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