I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
