even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
