She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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