Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
