got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
