We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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