and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
