what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
