Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
