Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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