We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Enjoy the penises
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
