I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
