Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
