I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize