I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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