you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
