You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.