he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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