I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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