I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
