I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
