just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
