I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
