She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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