not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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