i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Floor bacon is actually really good
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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