Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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