god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
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