new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
