No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
