from now on my penis is your penis
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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