You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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