At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
