It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
