Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
