We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
