very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize