Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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