ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize