Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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