I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
