You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
