he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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