So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
