She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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