need another drink. this is the easiest way
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
